But what is it about juggling... that doesn't quite fit?

Okay, so this week wouldn't show up under the 'balanced' column- if anyone is keeping track. First, there was the day I was literally "MOM-ZILLA and/or WIFE-ZILLA", depending on your perspective. I was absolutely baring my teeth at any given moment so I guess in retrospect it doesn't really matter which scientific name was applied. I knew it was bad when my 'look' alone was enough to cause Rex-the-dog to not only stop begging in the kitchen but to retreat to the safety of his bed.

Then there was the day that within hours, the 'noise' in the car and the 'noise' in our house heating system were just too much to ignore any longer. Appointments were made with the car guy and the plumber. I picked the car up after hearing its diagnosis and within minutes the plumber showed up to evaluate the demonic sounds coming from the boiler. Scott had to get to work so in both cases, I was the recipient of the 'good news' and the 'bad news'. With the phrases 'replace this' or 'flush that' describing procedures needed for both the car AND the boiler system, I suppose I should see it as lucky for me it was all happening on the same day because for once all of the "man lingo" seemed easy to follow. I tried to explain it all to Scott:

"So honey the car needs some filters replaced and something flushed and the boiler system needs a total flush and I think an air filter replaced..." As I am saying all of this I know it sounds like I must be mixing all of it up but I swear they told me nearly the exact same thing about the car and the boiler. And I really WAS paying attention until the dog ran away. Oh, yes, that particular day included the dog taking himself on a 3 hour adventure. Isn't he cute.

Though this past week had more than a couple of 'those' days, what was in my mind-- somewhere-- the whole week, was a note I had received from a dear college friend after she read my blog. She sent a message to me with a wonderful compliment and the warmth of her note made me immediately smile. What she had written, and what stayed with me this week was this:

"I hear you! Balance, balance, balance! ( Or was it juggle, juggle, juggle?)"

In a split second her message took me back to August? September?--when I was just thinking about starting a blog . I spent a lot of time trying to decide if some sort of logo or symbol would fit for my blog page. And so many times, the image of a woman juggling came to mind. I tried to find a good drawing of a woman juggling. I wanted the 'balls in the air' to symbolize kids, marriage, work, friends, exercise, hobbies, volunteering….I really, really wanted to come up with something, but it just wasn't coming together. So I decided that in time a symbol or logo might come, but in the meantime I would go ahead with the blog and see what happened.

'Juggle, juggle, juggle,' ...yes, it was sure true of this week, more than any week in the past few months! I couldn't believe the timing of her message. But at the same time, I kept resisting that particular reference--juggling-- to what I was experiencing or how I was handling it.  I asked myself many times after getting the note: "Why doesn't that seem right? What is it that doesn't fit, especially when anyone who knows me would say it fits me perfectly this week?!"

I couldn't explain it, and I couldn't stop thinking about it because deep down, I now knew that there was a reason that the 'juggler' symbol hadn't worked when I was first thinking of beginning my blog. Still, I couldn't tell myself what it was.

On goes the week. One afternoon while actually being myself and not a member of the "ZILLA" family I am busy accomplishing my 'list' , and out of the blue I get an email from someone who wants to see a few condos for sale. They ask if I am I available. AM I AVAILABLE? OMG SOMEONE WANTS TO SEE PROPERTY! A BUYER! I WILL FLUSH THE LIST OF THINGS TO DO DOWN THE TOILET RIGHT NOW! I AM ABSOLUTELY AVAILABLE-- FOR A WEEK IF YOU NEED ME!

Off I go. I spend a few hours with a really nice couple and truly enjoy my job. I love looking at property, and I love talking about what they like, what they need, and what may or may not work for their situation. We talk a lot about skiing, the recent weather, the glorious snow year. The last condo we see is in Keystone. I open the door, and while they mill around they begin to chat with me and each other:

"This is really what we are looking for".

I am busy turning on lights, opening blinds …and then I stop in the middle of the living area because the wall I am now facing has this on it:

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."*

Somehow two conversations are going on in my mind. "This is really what we are looking for" becomes part of " moments that take our breath away". I am able to answer more questions for my clients but the conversation with myself will not stop:

"This is why it isn't juggle. Why I have been wrestling with the symbol or label of 'juggle'. THIS IS WHAT I AM LOOKING FOR. I don't want to juggle because if I'm always looking at those balls in the air, I am going to miss something. I am looking for the thing that slows me down so I don't miss the opportunity to have my breath taken away. Was it just in my last post that I wrote about having to 'catch my breath' during a moment with Benji, when a bedtime conversation somehow erased an entire day of 'juggling'?" I look once more at the wall and am again amazed at the timing of things this week. I mean, am I really seeing this quote in a condo I am showing to a client on this day, during this week?

I recognize the saying as something I have heard or read before, but can't recall when. Now it has a completely different meaning.   No, a more complete meaning.

And it is really what I am looking for.

Thanks dear Madge, for your message and for what it helped me do this week. And for anyone who might have just stopped by--thanks for listening. 

 *Research to find the author of this quote shows several individuals who used the quote but did not pen it; the majority of the information showed the author as unknown and/or asking to remain anonymous.